Orthodoxy Before Orthopraxy: As Goes the Family…

If you have been with us through the book of Colossians, you already know the rhythm: Orthodoxy before Orthopraxy. Right thinking always leads to right living.

In the first two chapters, Paul established that Christ is preeminent, supreme, and Lord of all. In chapters three and four, he pivots to show us exactly what that looks like in our everyday lives. Because if Christ is truly preeminent, it changes the way we treat the people living under our own roof.

Strong families make strong churches. Strong churches make strong communities. But it starts at home. After addressing husbands and wives, Paul shifts his focus to the relationship between parents and children.

Children: Obedience as an Act of Worship

In Colossians 3:20, Paul writes, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”

The word Paul uses here for “children” isn’t limited to toddlers or teenagers; it generally means offspring. Whether you are 12, 21, or 50, if your parents are still living, you are still called to honor and obey them. Obedience simply means to be under the authority of another.

Paul doesn’t say, “Obey your parents because they are bigger than you or have all the money.” He says to obey them because it pleases the Lord. Obedience is an act of worship. When you clean your room, take out the trash, or listen to their counsel with a right heart, you are actively worshiping God.

Furthermore, obedience teaches trust and humility. Learning to obey earthly authority prepares children to trust God’s ultimate authority.

Ask yourself: Do I obey quickly, or only after arguing? Is my attitude honoring to Christ at home?

Parents: Do Not Provoke Your Children

While Paul tells children to obey, he gives a heavy warning to the parents in verse 21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

To “provoke” means to stir to anger, leading to bitterness and resentment. When we constantly provoke our children, they become disheartened and broken in spirit. We can easily provoke our kids in a few different ways:

• Overprotection: Being a “helicopter parent” with strict rules about everything and no liberty. If you never give them the freedom to make a mistake, they won’t know how to handle freedom when they leave the house.
• Lack of Standards: The opposite of overprotection. Kids actually crave structure and guardrails. If you let them do whatever they want, whenever they want, they will feel insecure and unloved.
• Showing Favoritism: Love your kids unconditionally, but don’t overindulge them to the point of entitlement. They are owed nothing; everything is a gift of grace.
• Depreciating Their Worth: When you don’t listen to your kids, they feel worthless. Put the phone down. Let them dream. If they can’t talk to you, they will find someone else who will listen.
• Destructive Criticism: If all you do is point out what they did wrong, they will learn to condemn themselves. God is anti-earning, but He is all about effort. Celebrate their progress, not just perfection.

Love and Discipline Go Hand-in-Hand

Finally, we can provoke our kids through excessive discipline, especially if we discipline them in anger. Never discipline while you are angry. You might successfully scare them, but you will lose their hearts in the process.

Here is the truth: You can discipline without love, but you cannot love without discipline. If you truly love your kids, you have to set boundaries and correct them—but it must always be wrapped in the grace of Christ.

Our ultimate goal is not to raise kids who simply follow the rules; our goal is to raise kids who see Jesus in and through our lives, even when we mess up and have to ask them for forgiveness.

Lord Jesus,

Thank You for the gift of family. Forgive me for the times I have let my flesh lead my home. As a child, help me to honor You through my obedience and respect. As a parent, give me the wisdom to guide, discipline, and love my kids without provoking them to anger or breaking their spirits. Let my home be a reflection of Your unconditional grace. When I fail, give me the humility to be the lead repenter in my house.

In Your holy name, Amen.

Are your words building your children up, or are they discouraging them? Take a moment this week to honestly evaluate the rhythm of grace and discipline in your home. Don’t keep this message to yourself—share this post with another parent who might need some encouragement today. Remember, parenting is tough, but at ONE Church, No ONE Walks Alone.